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Checking in
Well, I don't know if anybody stumbles across this dusty account anymore. I logged in for the first time in about four years, and the emotions are extremely...mixed. I made this account fifteen years ago, when I was a literal child of fifteen. How much I thought I knew about the world. Here I sit at 30, realising how little I know about it. I still suffer with depression and suicidal ideation. I have come out as a lesbian. I still see someone from my past who I will love forever. I am still obsessed with Optimus Prime and Transformers. I work in healthcare. I own my own house now. Freya died. I have two crazy cats called Oliver and Luther. I don't think I will deactivate this account. I will check in from time to time but I won't be posting anything new on here. I don't even know if any of the old gang still kicks about. dA was a lifeline for me all those years ago...I am grateful for it. This account is like a...digital portrait of who I was. I have healed and I have been
Morbid Confessions
Hello. It's me again. I've not been doing too well lately...I think I need help.
I think of suicide almost everyday...it is so damned tempting, but I won't kill myself, don't worry. But I want to make...some morbid confessions.
Have you ever wondered who would cry if you died? I have.
Have you ever wondered how many people would attend your funeral? I have.
Have you ever wondered what your coffin would look like as it was lowered into the ground or disappeared behind the velvet curtains? I have.
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to die? I have.
Maybe one day I'll find out.
A not so devious journal entry.
Hello. I'm not sure if anyone happens upon my page anymore, but if you do, hi! :wave: :)
All is still quiet with me. I have been up and down mood wise -- I'm battling with myself about whether or not to pursue a diagnosis in autism -- it is quite draining emotionally. I thought seriously again about suicide, but I won't ever kill myself. I feel almost like a drug addict...oh well. My mum is currently recovering from shoulder surgery (she had a biceps tendon relocation) and I am her only carer. She will be in a sling for four weeks and then have to have physiotherapy for 6-8 weeks.
Gah.
.
I don't really know what to call this entry, hence the '.'
I am going to try and make a comeback to dA -- but I'm not making any promises.
We'll see how it goes.
Written,
M
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