Hey guys

This is just to say to all of you that celebrate Christmas that I hope you have a really good one with your families, and get all that you hope for

I'm not brilliant at the moment, but I'm coping. I just wanna say a big thanks to Andy =cantrunanymore who has been a huge help over the past couple of days - so thank you

I'm going to London on Boxing day and then coming back on the 2nd of January - my break from dA is still going on.

I hope all of you have a fantastic Christmas, and I'll see you all in the new year.

Sorry for the lack of activity guys. I've changed my medication back to Prozac for my depression...and it's really mucking me about. I haven't eaten much for the last week...lost half a stone. But I've been feeling so hungry but feel to sick to eat. So that is the main reason for my absence here.

Everybody around me is so down...I won't be on here for a while. All messages that are able to be turned off will be.

I just need to sort my head out.

Peace out

X

Please go and view this deviation - it's very true, and far more common than you think.


'Depression' - *0mri

I've been pretty poorly for the last couple of days, which is the main reason why I haven't been very active on dA this week.
I went to the hospital yesterday because my GP is closed on the weekends - and guess what - my chest infection is back And I have been gobbing up phlegm like you wouldn't believe ><

I have two essays to do by Tuesday - history and geography. I'll get Annie to get my geography file from school tomorrow so I can get on with it >< I'm not going into school tomorrow because I woke up this morning with a blinding headache ><

But I had a good day today because I watched New Moon I so can't wait for it to come out on dvd - I'm a woman obsessed

I've got the doctor's tomorrow at half four, and I am gonna ask him to up my meds...maybe to 80 mg or something like that. I know it's not the long term answer, but for now it'll do.

I've nearly finished my 100 Themes, I think I have about 3/4 left to do, but I has writer's block again I've been on Bully mostly over the weekend, it makes me laugh and is very stress relieful (I know that's not a word).

So the plan for tomorrow is start and finish history essay - about Britain never had it so good under Harol Macmillan as Prime Minister Neever mind eh ><

If any of you want to talk or anything..just note me

Happy - Leona Lewis

Someone once told me
That you have to choose
What you win or lose
You can’t have everything
Don’t you take chances
You might feel the pain
Don’t you love in vain
Cause love wont set you free
I could stand by the side
And watch this life pass me by
So unhappy but safe as could be

So what if it hurts me
So what if I break down
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don’t care about other pain in front of me
Cause I’m just tryna be happy, yeah
Just wanna be happy, yeah

Holding on tightly
Just can’t let it go
Just tryna play my roll
Slowly disappear, oooh
Well all these tears
They feel like they’re the same
Just different faces, different names
Get me outta here
Well I can stand by the side
And watch this life pass me by
Pass me by

So what if it hurts me
So what if i break down
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don’t care about other pain in front of me
Cause I’m just tryna be happy
Just wanna be happy
Oooh…

So any turns that i cant see
Ill count a stranger on this road
But don’t say victim
Don’t say anything

So what if it hurts me
So what if i break down
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don’t care about all the pain in front of me
Cause I’m just try to be happy
Just wanna be happy

This is a good song about how I feel at the moment...

London was okay, I won't bore you with the extreme details but let's just say both journeys were awful and Michael was a little shit

Anyways - on other news, school was okay today. I saw Anne, and the session was okay, I ended up having word vomit But it wasn't emotionally tiring as it usually is - I didn't find it challenging either, so maybe things are going to get easier

Has been very cold today - that sort of cold that makes your face sting and your jaw feel very achey. Me and Beth went to the shop to get some coke, and it was bloody freezing!! :cold:

Freya is sitting on my lap eating her marrow bone She be nice and warm I have a full day tomorrow, and also maths I bloody HATE maths. The teacher is absolutely useless, and our exam is in January. I am not impress

I have a geography test tomorrow so I have to look over my stuff tonight, and hopefully I'll do okay in it...I'm not expecting to get top marks, but half marks would be okay

I have also ordered a hoodie from dA Should arrive soon...but I think is being shipped from the USA, so maybe a couple of weeks

Also really tired - I actually WANT it to be late so I can go to bed >< I lurvve my sleep

And it's gonna rain tomorrow Rain and cold - not good ><

Update later

Sex on Fire - Kings of Leon

Lay where you're laying, don't make a sound
I know they're watching, they're watching
All the commotion, the kiddie like play
Has people talking, talking

You, your sex is on fire

The dark of the alley, the breaking of day
The head while I'm driving, I'm driving
Soft lips are open, knuckles are pale
Feels like you're dying, you're dying

You, your sex is on fire
Consumed with what's to transpire

Hot as a fever, rattling bones
I could just taste it, taste it
If it's not forever, if it's just tonight
Oh, it's still the greatest, the greatest, the greatest

You, your sex is on fire
And you, your sex is on fire
Consumed with what's to transpire

And you, your sex is on fire
Consumed with what's to transpire

First off, a happy birthday to my mother and Taylor, :devth3rkimzon1:'s little girl Happy birthday to two very special people!!

Today has been okay, and I have made a final decision about my meds. I talked with Kizzie about it today, and she convinced me that it was the best thing to do in the long run, because if I'm being honest, I'm not happy.

But my doctor is very popular..and the next cancellation is the 15th of December, and my booked appointment is the 7th..I'll just keep ringing. Man I hate doing this ><

School was okay...had ANOTHER fire alarm, they are getting so tedious. It was science that set it off this time And I've been set some work in geography that I just KNOW I won't be able to do. It's on lots of different stuff, and I am thick

I'll see if I can go into Ruislip with mum when we're in London to take that CD back to hmv so I can get me money back..but now I think about it, I doubt there's much point. I'll do it after school one day next week ><

I am sorry for being so down lately, but I honestly feel like I'm just going round in circles. One day I'm okay but not brilliant, the next day I can't cope with the simplest of things, and another day I'm as high as a kite, and I'm pretty sure these meds are meant to keep me stable

We're leaving at 6AM tomorrow morning for London, so that means waking up even earlier than usual >< But I'll sleep in the car

I hope London gives me some distractions...I don't know how much longer this can go on

Haven't Met You Yet - Michael Buble

I'm not surprised.
Not everything lasts.
I've broken my heart so many times I stopped keeping track.
Talk myself in.
I talk myself out.
I get all worked up, then I let myself down.

I tried so very hard not to lose it.
I came up with a million excuses.
I thought I thought of every possibility.

And I know someday that it'll all turn out.
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out.
And promise you, kid, that I'll give so much more than I get.
I just haven't met you yet.

Mmmm...

I might have to wait.
I'll never give up.
I guess it's half timing,
And the other half's luck.
Wherever you are.
Whenever it's right.
You'll come out of nowhere and into my life.

And I know that we can be so amazing.
And baby your is gonna change me.
And now I can see every possibility.

Mmmm...

But somehow I know that it'll all turn out.
And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out.
And I promise you, kid, that I'll give so much more than I get.
I just haven't met you yet.

They say all's fair.
And in love and war.
But I won't need to fight it.
We'll get it right and,
We'll be united.

And I know that we can be so amazing.
And being in your life is gonna change me.
And now I can see every single possibility, mmmm.

And someday I know it'll all turn out.
And I'll work to work it out.
Promise you, kid, I'll give more than I get,
Than I get, than I get, than I get.

Ohhh!

You know it'll all turn out.
And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out.
And I promise you, kid, that I'll give so much more than I get.
I just haven't met you yet.

I just haven't met you yet.
Ohh, promise you, kid, to give so much than I get.

(I said love, love, love, love...)
I just haven't met you yet

I just haven't met you yet.